Stan’s Soapbox – Marvel Age #49 (April 1987)

Wow! It’s hard to believe a whole month has gone by since we last partook of our fearless feast of cultural erudition!

It must have been unbearable for you, having to wait all this time till our next get-together, but I’ve got a little surprise that may make it all worthwhile!

However, before we get to this month’s titillating treat, let me bring you up to speed on the various Marvel happenings at our mixed-up mecca of make-believe here in happy-go-lucky Hollywood.

Even at this moment, while your incredulous eyes are greedily scanning these scintillating sentences, Marvel’s mighty legions of high-powered lawyers are writing contracts for the production of new, live-action television series starring none other than the sensational SHE-HULK, in addition to DAREDEVIL, The Man Without Fear! (And he’d have to be fearless to enter the tintinnabulatingly tumultuous TV ratings race, right?)

Not only that, but next year we’ll be hitting the boob tube with the most offbeat animated super hero show you’ve ever roared at. Don’t let the simple title, SOLARMAN, fool you. Our hero is as daringly different in his own way as Spider-Man was when we first dreamed him up!

We’ve also got some new feature-length films winging your way! I mean, you didn’t expect us to just rest on our laurels after our world-famous HOWARD THE DUCK megahit, didja? Y’know, it’s a funny thing about ol’ Howie. If the flick had been a success, I’d have found some way for Marvel to claim credit for it. I mean, you know me! But, since it faded away like a thief in the night, I’ve been working overtime looking for someone to blame. Irving Forbush, where are you when we needja?

There’s lots more going down here in cinemaland, but I’ll save some goodies for next issue. Anyway, it’s time for the titanic treat I promised you. Just for old times sake, I decided to write a little Christmas poem like the kind I used to lay on you years ago. This is, of course, in answer to countless requests – from our competitors, who want to destroy us!

A SANTA CLAUS SAGA

‘Twas the night before Christmas
And at the North Pole
Santa was reading
While his elves shoveled coal.

Mrs. Claus kept reminding
“Santa, you’re late!
The children are crying,
‘Cause kids hate to wait!

“The presents are gathering
Dust on the floor.
The reindeer are calling
From behind the barn door!

“You’ve got to get started
I beg you, my dear,
Don’t be faint-hearted
Go out and spread cheer.”

Santa just kept on reading,
His eyes twinkling with joy.
He chuckled and chortled
Like a mischievous boy.

“I’ll deliver these presents,
For better or worse.
But not till I finish
Marvel’s NEW UNIVERSE!”

And if that doesn’t get me a subscription from Shooter, he can write his own ads from now on!

Excelsior! (And a ho ho ho to one and all!)

–Stan