Stan’s Soapbox – Marvel Age #73 (April 1989)

‘Twas the day before Christmas,
And all through the town
Fandom was stirring,
Writing things down.

Countless letters to Santa
From readers galore.
Some asked for a little,
Some asked for much more.

I’d like to show you
Just what you might find
On a Marvelite’s list.
(And they’re the best kind)

The following items
Are all recommended
So if you have a friend
Hey, buy one and send it!

We have to start somewhere
So why not start here?
We all want DAREDEVIL,
the Man Without Fear!

If you like colorful teams
It’s AVENGERS for you.
East Coast or West Coast
Only we’d give you two!

If webs are your thing
Then SPIDEY’s your choice.
With a half-dozen titles
You’ve cause to rejoice!

And how about mutants?
Is it true that we seek
To keep cloning THE X-MEN
With new titles each week?

THE PUNISHER’s movie
Is coming to town,
And woe to the critic
Who gives him thumbs down!

Only at Marvel
Could there be such a bind.
Who’s the real CAPTAIN AMERICA?
We can’t make up our mind!

He can soar thru the cosmos
Zapping all sorts of foes.
But the poor SILVER SURFER
Can’t find any clothes!

Who can remember
Those dim days of yore,
When Reed, Sue, Ben, and Johnny,
Were the FANTASTIC FOUR?

Here’s to ol’ Shellhead,
Our walking tin can.
For his identity crisis
You can blame IRON MAN!

I’ll tell you a secret
Though it may sound inane,
THOR, God of Thunder,
Can’t stand the rain!

And speaking of secrets
Here’s one rather newish,
It’s whispered that CONAN
Really is Jewish!

But for culture and breeding,
Regardless of bulk,
There’s only one choice
THE INCREDIBLE HULK!

When we dropped Sgt. Fury
‘Twas a shattering blow.
But now everything’s cool,
‘Cause we’ve got G.I. JOE!

I could go one forever
Each one is the best.
But time’s running out
So let’s just name the rest…

There’s BLACK PANTHER and ‘NAM,
And ALF, SPEEDBALL, and GROO
POWER PACK and TRANSFORMERS,
To name just a few.

Then there’s EPIC and STAR
Our lines for old and for young.
But I just thought of something
For which I could be hung!

Of all of the titles
On this luminous list,
There’s one I’ve omitted
It almost was missed!

How crass and ironic,
At this critical stage,
To have sorely neglected
Our own MARVEL AGE!

Well, that does it, I guess,
Except for this final jot
We’ll award a new NO-PRIZE
For the rest I forgot!

Now rejoice and enjoy.
Happy Holiday to all!
May your New Year be wondrous,
May your life be a ball!

Excelsior!

–Stan